So I “unfriended” someone on Facebook

It seems like this is a no-brainer.  Someone annoys you sufficiently, you remove them from your live.  Online, it should be even easier.  Block emails, unfriend from Facebook/Myspace.  Sounds simple.

I unfriended a high school acquaintance on Facebook for a good reason.  He constantly turned things into political tirades – not political discussions,  tirades.  He literally turned the phrase “Meow” into an anti-Obama, anti-Welfare, tirade against lazy people.   I’m not entirely certain HOW these things are related, but in his mind they are.  He got condescending; I went off on him, and clicked “unfriend.”  This SHOULD have been the end of the story.

Nope:  first he sent a note to someone else to forward to us (John and I both unfriended him) which contained an “apology” (of the “I’m sorry but….”  variety).  His apology also called me “wifey” and insinuated that John couldn’t fight his own battles.   I told the person who sent it to me what happened, and let her know that she was welcome to forward if she wanted to, but I was not asking her to.  And I asked her not to send us any more notes from him.

Then he tried to re-friend us.  He sent another apology of the “I’m sorry but…” variety. 

It’s not like he was unfriended after this happened once.  It’s not like he didn’t say that he thought our opinions were worthless (not in so many words, but he pretty much told me that I didn’t need to weigh in on the subject since he wasn’t holding his breath to find out what I had to say).   I think he just gets off on people getting into it with him, and was mortified that someone decided to take all their marbles and go home.  We bruised his ego.  He doesn’t really want to be friends with us so much as he wants to be “friends” with us.

When do I panic?

I am a mortgage processor for a national bank.  Not a big bank.  Not a well known bank.  But a bank which has always had a very good attitude towards its employees.  And Wednesday at 5 pm, the government shut us down.   I guess we just weren’t too big to fail.  I know there is a lot involved that I do not know, and a lot that is behind the scenes that I do not understand.  But I also know that come the end of this month, there will be a lot of people on the unemployment lines that were not at the beginning of the month.   And it pisses me off that the little banks that need a LITTLE help (not that we’re not profitable, but that we’re just not profitable enough for the regulating agencies…not that we didn’t have sound business practices, but the economy changed that definition…not that we were making bad loans or being a fraudulent bank), but those banks that need a little leeway to get back into the good are given exactly SQUAT in support from the federal regulators, but those banks that are too big to fail are bowed to.   I am sorry, if you’re too big to fail, then sure…let’s get you going again, and then let’s break your sorry ass up and make it so that if THIS division is losing money and can’t stand up, then THIS division can be put out of my misery!   Our bank was not allowed by the regulators to give any employees raises this year, not even COLA.   And the week after I read that, I read that BofA was going to give each of their employees big bonuses.   (Where did those bonuses come from?)

My company was good.  My company was profitable.  And my company has been shut down.  And I think that is wrong.   BofA deserved to be shut down, but in the country’s best interest it couldn’t be.   But because it wouldn’t cripple the country if my company is shut down, they seem to take out all of their frustration on the little guy—who they can attack.   That is just not right.

I don’t know when my last day is…but I do know I’m being laid off.  I’m much more fortunate than most people in my situation (and I know a lot of people are in my situation—and not just from my company).   One of the people from my company has been striving to find a place for everyone who works under him.  And with his time in this industry, he’s made a lot of contacts.  He’s working for us, and that is a nice thing.  I think I even have a landing pad.  I don’t know the details of it, which is pretty much my life right now.  I don’t know anything.  When my last day is, what the package is where I am going, when I have to report there or lose the opportunity (if it is a choice of severance package or recurring paycheck, I’m personally taking the paycheck.)   I’d rather have both.  And I am going to do the best I can for the customers and my company while I am there.  The customers deserve good service regardless (they could jump ship, but they are trusting us with their loan), and the company has been good to me.  I don’t want to kick it while it is down. 

But I am looking forward to the time when my life is back under MY control!

Random Rant

Some companies should not be entitled to do business. 

Probably a bit of a harsh statement, but I don’t feel that it is untrue.  Here are my feelings regarding things:

1.  If you cannot afford to pay your employees Federal minimum wage, then you cannot afford to be in business.  Too bad, so sad, sucks for you.  But honestly, restaurants are making a killing off of the backs of their servers by paying them slave wages at $2.13/hour.   That might be fine if the restaurant is a busy one, well-managed and able to provide a decent crowd reliably.  However, restaurants which are slow, poorly managed, and unvisited are not paying their staff, and they are not bringing in the customers to ensure that the tips are sufficient to justify it.  Tips should be considered ‘commission’ for a job well done, not part of the hourly wage of servers.  So truly, if you can’t pay your employees minimum wage, then you don’t deserve to be in business.

2.  If you, as a customer, go out to eat in an area where you know that the restaurants are scumbags who pay their servers $2.13/hour, and you cannot afford to leave a tip if you get decent service…then you cannot afford to go out to eat.  No, customers should not have to pay the salary of the server, not when they’ve already paid for their meal…and in a perfect world they would not.  However, we don’t live in a perfect world.  We live in a world where servers are treated like slaves by the restaurants and you, the customer, are basically paying their living salary.  If the server treats you well and provides good service, then leave a decent tip.   And a tip to some of you cheapskates:  a tip is not a religious pamphlet telling the server about your religion of choice.  This is not the place to proselytize.  If you want to impress the server about your religion…leave the pamphlet and a 40% tip.   That will make them think a lot more highly of you and your religion than leaving a pamphlet AS your tip.

3.  Any employer who cancels their employees’ insurance without notifying them is no longer going to receive my business (if I know about it).  So several restaurants that I enjoy are now on my “no, I’m afraid I don’t eat at that chain” list.

Yes, there is a reason for this rant.

Back and a Mrs.

Well, the wedding has come and gone, and the day went beautifully and according to plan. It rained, which made pictures an issue, but I didn’t mind (it was an indoor ceremony, who cares if it rained?)

Memories:

My bridesmaid Kathy duking it out with my dad to get the ceiling decorated exactly how I wanted it. It came out lovely, and I got a lot of people commenting on how beautiful it was and how much they loved it. Way to go Kathy! My father was trying to do the tight Christmas light configuration that goes outside of the house – but I wanted a really loose look.

Of course, I did want the room darker, but that’s okay. It’s good for people to be able to see.

My mom actually loved the hand fasting part of our ceremony—this was the part of our wedding that we kept secret for the longest. I think she was told about it around two weeks before the wedding, and amazingly didn’t freak out about it. And her favorite part of the ceremony? The hand fasting. She was actually a whole lot more cool about the whole event than I expected her to be…we were doing a lot of non-traditional things, which I felt made our ceremony more reflective of us as a couple. However, she comes from a very traditional background, so all of those things could have really made it uncomfortable for her and some of our other guests. We did put a few things in there for them: the vocal piece (Ave Maria), the reading (Corinthians), the minister’s attire (the dog collar). We had a prayer, but no deity was named – that’s one of those things that people tend to automatically just fill in the blanks on their own though. I wonder if anyone noticed we didn’t invoke God or Jesus.

It was kind of a weird feeling, going through the ceremony – I felt more like this was some production we were putting on for others – as I already felt like John was my husband, this was just a formality for others to recognize it. And having spent as much time as we did creating this ceremony together, in many ways, I feel that cemented us more than actually saying the vows, going through the ceremony. I wasn’t nervous – except I was afraid that if someone started to cry then I would – I was more relieved to actually be doing it. No more rehearsals, no more tweaking/adjustments. This was it. Now appearing, for one night only. Probably doesn’t hurt that we’re theatre people.

My bridesmaids were amazing – they worked so hard getting our reception site decorated. It looked amazing – and it was very exciting to see the puzzle FINALLY put together. What I loved was that our vision was actually very beautiful. Strange little details that we didn’t expect – the disposable linen tablecloths (paper that was linen look) that I bought were silver tone. Choices were silver tone or gold tone. But in that silver tone was a touch of green – which happened to be EXACTLY one of the colors we picked out. The appearance of the words we used as the ceremony benediction… on the programs, on the bottom of the cake topper (we didn’t pick them out because those words were there. We picked them out, then discovered them all over the place.)

As we were setting up the table decorations, my aunt was talking to my mother about how nice they looked. She said something along the lines of how perfect it would be if only we scattered some leaves on the tables – when out came the leaves that I had bought. My mother was surprised at how well the table chocolates matched (I had been waiting for those chocolates for a year – the fall Hershey’s miniatures. Last year I saw them and knew they’d be perfect – but I couldn’t buy THOSE at Cheap Chocolate Day. Those had to be fresh. And I’d been waiting for their release this year.) Apparently, the latest limited edition Hershey’s KISS is a hit (Candy Corn Flavor)

Set up took longer than I hoped, but not longer than I’d budgeted time for.

The cake was lovely – not quite what I expected, but still beautiful. And different.


Notice how the top of each layer is a different color? Those are our wedding colors. I've not seen a cake similar and our baker had never (!) done one like it. The owner commented that she wondered why they had never thought of it before. I love the look of it.

And John’s Nutter Butter Pirate Ship really rocked!

(It sailed on an ocean of tulle. )

Everything came out wonderfully, and we had an amazing honeymoon.

Planning our wedding was really wonderful, as we did plan it together—I was so very lucky that my husband was as interested in the event as I was…because this became an event that didn’t celebrate me, or him….but us. And that’s what a marriage should be.

Wedding Planning Thoughts

When most people think of weddings, they think of cakes and flowers, ceremonies and dresses, food and dancing. However, unless someone has actively participated in the planning of such an event, he or she often does not realize the amount of effort that planning a wedding can require. A wedding might be the beginning for a couple, but it is also the end of something—the planning phase. Planning a wedding can bring you closer to your fiancé, test the strength of your friendships, and teach you valuable skills related to budgeting and time management.

Many women grow up with a vision in their heads about what constitutes the perfect wedding. They are so focused on this particular vision that they fail to realize something very important: this is not just a day about the bride, it is also the groom’s day. While many men do not grow up thinking about the perfect wedding, that does not mean that they do not want to be involved in the planning process. In fact, planning a wedding together can actually strengthen a relationship as the couple learns how to work together, compromise with one another, and see the strengths and weaknesses of each partner.

However, because most women do not realize the benefits of co-planning their weddings, the common complaint is that women cannot get the men to participate in wedding planning. But the secret is a simple one. Usually at the outset, he tossed out an idea or two, and those ideas were shot down. The man simply decided it was not worth the rejection, and to let the woman plan the event alone. If the woman can overcome this instinct, she will discover that not only does her fiancé have some good ideas, but the wedding planning process can actually bring them closer as a couple. How? They work together. Before we started planning our wedding, my fiancé asked if I would mind if he wore a kilt. It was something he had always envisioned doing. My response to him set the tone for our wedding planning process. I told him that it was just as much his day as it was mine, and if he wanted to wear a kilt, then he was more than welcome to wear one. His choice of apparel actually set the theme for the wedding – Celtic. Because I didn’t reject his idea, my fiancé actively participated in the planning of our wedding.

While many people might view compromise as a bad thing, it can actually be a very strong and positive thing. Compromise can be give and take, no one getting exactly what he or she wants. But compromise can also be a way where the ideas are blended. Our wedding planning has been an extremely smooth process. There are many elements where I came up with an idea, and my fiancé offered a suggestion regarding that idea. I offered a counter suggestion. By the time we were finished, we had built something neither of us would have devised on our own—through compromise and being willing to listen to one another’s ideas.

The willingness to listen to one another’s ideas also taught us to see one another’s strengths and weaknesses. Recognizing our strengths and weaknesses as individuals and as a couple is actually very beneficial. My strength is in budgeting time. That is a weakness with him. However, he is strong at detail work, and I am weak in that area. As a result, we have a lot of wonderful details that were done in plenty of time for the wedding. The last week before the wedding, for most brides, is pretty stressful, with the finalization of many different things. But for me, my to do list the week before is comprised only of items that cannot be accomplished ahead. Another weakness of mine is control, but because I know my fiancé’s ability to mind the details, I am willing to trust him with one of the most important details of the reception – set up on the wedding day.

Because we were able to work together to plan this event, we are both invested in it being a success. My fiancé wants more than when, where, and what to wear. I believe that wedding planning has brought us closer together.

Not only can planning a wedding strengthen your relationship with your fiancé, it can also test your relationship with friends and family. There are many factors which cause that test: attitude of the bride (or groom), security of the friends in the friendship or in their own relationships, and the true feeling of families towards the future spouse.

The bride’s attitude sets the tone for the wedding day itself. A lot of brides focus on the following statement: “it’s my day.” They fail to remember another truism. “No one cares as much about your wedding as you do.” It is the bride’s day, but it is not her year, month, or week. Many brides expect total dedication from their bridesmaids, which causes the bridesmaids to resent their brides. A fairly laid back and respectful bride can show her friends how valuable they are to her. For my wedding, I asked my bridesmaids to pick a little black dress that they loved. The only requirement was that it not be longer than tea length. I asked them to find black shoes that were comfortable to them. Each of them is going through a different financial situation right now. I wanted them to spend money on a dress that they would wear again...not one I thought they’d wear again. However, I also had a bridesmaid tell me the following: “It’s your day. If you ask me to wear a potato sack, I wear a potato sack with no complaints.” I don’t feel that is true. We ask our friends to be a part of the wedding because of how important they are to us. Why should we treat them as if their opinions, feelings, and comfort are unimportant? These are supposed to be some of the people who are most important to us. We should treat them as such.

But it is not only the bride’s attitude that plays a part in the test. A fairly laid back and congenial bride can have bad experiences with her wedding party because of how insecure one of the bridesmaids is in the friendship, or even worse, her own relationships. Many a bride has suffered through the antics of a cross bridesmaid because the wedding brought out issues with the bridesmaid. The bridesmaid might be happy for her friend, but is also worried about how their relationship will change. She might also be extremely jealous because she is either not in a relationship and is losing hope of finding her true love, or she has been dating someone for a long time, and he has not proposed yet.

Frequently, either situation—a “bridezilla” or a jealous bridesmaid – can end an important friendship.

It does not end with bridesmaids. Relationships with family members change. Dynamics in the future family change. There is a good reason for this: a wedding is a life-changing event. A daughter is no longer single; there is now a son-in-law to be considered. For a mother whose son is getting married, it means that she is being supplanted by another woman. Never mind that this has already happened, the wedding seals it. If the family has had issues with the prospective spouse when the couple was just dating, those issues will magnify as they believe they now have the right to ask all sorts of questions. All of the relationships surrounding the couple are about to change as they go from single to married. A wedding doesn’t test just the couple’s relationship; it tests their relationships with everyone.

A wedding also teaches couples the valuable skills of budgeting money and time management. Couples learn to set fiscal priorities regarding the wedding and how to apportion their time so that the tasks get done.

Setting fiscal priorities for the wedding is part of planning. Couples have to determine what style of wedding is more important to them, based on what is affordable. If the budget is small, but the couple wants an extremely formal affair, then the couple will likely have a very small guest list. But if the couple wants a larger guest list, then other items will have to be changed – buffet versus sit down, live music versus recorded, weeknight versus weekend. It’s a matter of deciding what is most important to you and setting a budget where that was possible. Flowers were very important to me, because I have a designer friend who does amazing work. I really wanted to use him, if at all possible. That also meant that I had to choose between flowers for just the wedding party, or flowers for the wedding party and for decoration. My fiancé is diabetic, and it was extremely important to me that he be able to enjoy the wedding cake. This meant that budget shopping for our wedding cake was not possible. We’d have a limited number of vendors who could meet our need. And we decided together to splurge on live musicians for the ceremony. This was a joint splurge that we talked about many times before deciding we would regret it more if we opted not to do it than if we did. That was the priority. What is more important to us? What will we regret not doing? We eliminated things that were not important to us, like a Unity Candle, in order to make sure that we had what was important to us. We also saved a lot of money by making many things ourselves.

Time management is also very important in planning a wedding. There are a lot of things that must be done when planning a wedding, even more so when you are doing a lot of it yourself. Doing any form of craft takes time, and a wedding offers a definitive delivery date. Some crafts actually take time to learn before you can begin producing the final product. But since you do not want your entire relationship to be wedding planning, you also have to budget time for your relationship too. The ultimate test of time management comes in the final week, when the items that were on hold until this time frame suddenly start to become due.

Planning a wedding can bring you closer to your fiancé, test the strength of your friendships, and teach you valuable skills related to budgeting and time management. However, it does more than that. Done properly, planning a wedding can actually help you plan your marriage as you learn to navigate trials and upheavals together. Unforeseen things happen during wedding planning that can bring you closer to your fiancé and test your friendships. These things also show you how well you’ve actually planned your event. But there is one important truth about wedding planning that every couple should know as they go through the process. It is a phrase that will help them when everything seems so frustrating. At the end of the day, the cake may fall, the flower girl may trip, or the best man may forget the rings. But as long as you two commit to one another, the event was a total success.

First Dancing

Yesterday, John and I went out to Blount Park, specifically Shakespeare’s Garden (which would, incidentally, be a lovely place for a wedding).   We went there so that we could practice our First Dance.  

The choreography is a bit loose.  We have a couple of elements to put in, and we need to decide where those elements are going.  However, it’s Foxtrot and Triple Time Swing.   We are fans of the Swing, but not so much the Foxtrot.   (Actually, I’m starting to like the Foxtrot—hated it at first because the first guy who taught it was so confusing I felt like an idiot!)

Then we fed movie popcorn to the geese and ducks.   In the months where it is cool enough to enjoy visits to the park, we like to feed the birds.  And why NOT get a refill of the popcorn just before leaving the movie?  The geese went wild, and we were completely encircled by birds who were thoroughly enjoying their buttery treat.

Then we went to the turtles.  For the turtles we had bought one of those GIANT bags of generic Honeycombs from Walmart (seriously… a huge bag of cereal for about $3.50).   Goodness did those turtles enjoy that!   We even saw one we called “Big Boy” because he was huge.  But instead of a rounded nose, he had a needle nose.  And his fins had claws.  We’ve never seen him before (and we go out there often).   He really enjoyed it, as did the other turtles.  The funny thing: while Big Boy was still there, the ducks would not come ANYWHERE near those turtles.  Once he left, they got brave.

Saturday, I had my hair trial.  I really love how it looks.  Sheila did a great job with it.  And she’s going to do my mom’s hair (and maybe my MOH’s hair) for $30.   (Mine is a bit higher than that…but $75 for a wedding hair style is NOT bad!)

Programs are done.  Reception music is ready.  Place cards are done.   All we really need is the license, the food, and the playlists and toasts to be printed up.

19 days to go, and I’m not in a panic – but we’ll talk when we’re in W-6 and counting.   I’m hoping I’ll still be as calm then.

Ah Choo!

So I’ve been hit with a pretty nasty bug.  A week into it, I finally conceded defeat – man, I hate getting beaten by a stupid cold! – and went to the doctor.  He decided I needed two antibiotics, a cortizon shot, a cough syrrup, and a cream – well, that was because I’ve got a charming under-the-nose rash, which is so wonderful to have in the best of times, but 29 days before the wedding… NOT acceptable!

John has now been hit by the bug, and I’m pretty much of the opinion he should not wait as long as I did to doc-it-up.

The table chart has been created.  That is not a pleasant task, I assure you!  But it is done.  The place cards have been put in their draft format, and they are going to be very cute.  Each one has the name, the “clan” assignment, and a sample of the clan tartan.    Now, we just have to make them fit inside the design of the place cards themselves, but John is the graphic genius and he’s handling that.

Tomorrow, my mom and I go shopping for a dress for me to wear to the bridal shower sunday, so I’m rather excited about that.  Then next Saturday, it’s a hair trial!  Soon after that, the make up trial.  John and I will soon need to go get our marriage license—we’re under 30 days.  We can now do that at any time.